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Submitted on
March 8, 2012
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In Minecraft there are these squidward like villagers called Testificates. In a recent update they were given new abilities such as having babies to repopulating a town based on the number of houses there are. Since the requirement for a "house" is simply a room with a roof and a door, I decided to spend my time building a massive city for the Testificates to populate, using a generated village as a starting point.

After building a number of houses, I began noticing the little children running wild and there becoming quite a LOT of villagers. I undertook a huge task of building a BIG open area underground with a couple doors and lights. Because the area was so big, the Testificates began to... um... OVER populate.

These little buggers reproduced the village so fast that I couldn't keep up and soon they were overflowing out of buildings. Mob attacks couldn't keep up with the rate they were repopulating, and the iron golems that kept spawning (for every 15 villager a new one spawns) made sure mobs weren't an issue.

I tried burning some of the houses down with the Testificates inside, but it didn't help. They were repopulating out of control at this point. My poor village was being overrun by these weird squidward like creatures. What was I to do???

In the end, the answer lied with figuring out their programing. They respond to doors and enclosed spaces and will attempt to go through a door if there is one nearby, especially at night. Knowing this I went around the village and removed every door except one. Inside this lone house I removed the ceiling and poured a lava trap. Come nightfall, all the Testificates would try to enter through the one door in town and consequently meet their demise. It was a sad day... but I did what needed to be done. I've estimated that at one time I had around 250 Testificates running around trying to get inside buildings. Horny little buggers...

I don't use mods or cheats, so this whole epidemic could actually happen to you too. When building houses for Testificate villagers... be careful. Too many houses, or too big of an open space, could result in a Testificate infestation of epic proportions... and your only way out will be to commit virtual genocide.
  • Listening to: SoulEye - PPPPPP
  • Playing: Minecraft
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:iconhama-girl:
Hama-Girl Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Love this. Googled about testificates in response to spawning some in our castle world and trying to figure out why they were going absolutely mental and running all over the place, but came across this instead. Didn't really help our problem but made for a good read :')
Reply
:iconllirbwerdnadivad:
llirbwerdnadivad Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
PFFFTHAHAHAHA! I'm gonna try that! :D
Reply
:iconchaos51268:
Chaos51268 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Good god... I feel bad for those TESTIFICATES that lost their lives, may they rest in peace...
Reply
:iconthimbles-thursday:
Thimbles-Thursday Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
A sad necessity, but I'm glad you managed to fix your pestificate problem so elegantly!
Reply
:icondeadechoelite:
DeadEchoElite Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So....its like in the game, you have to stop the Testificate's from overpopulating the world.
Reply
:iconjordanthornquest:
jordanthornquest Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Bwahahaha! This is so awful!
Reply
:icondeadechoelite:
DeadEchoElite Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
DANG. Thats crazy!
Reply
:iconliliancow:
LilianCOW Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2012
Holy flying balls, same thing is happening to me O 3 O
and now I know what to do >: D
:bliss:
Reply
:iconplognark:
Plognark Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I lolled :D
Reply
:iconn1starwarsfan:
n1starwarsfan Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012
I would have just left them there. You could have just turned around and started walking, set up a new house and spawn point for yourself somewhere far off from the testificates. It wouldn't be difficult to do at all.
Reply
:icontails-fan1:
TAILS-FAN1 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2012
lol That's funny! You should make a short comic story out of it! The way you told about it, it seemed like a narrative! My bro was playing once, and he didn't over populate the village, but come night, there were two places where TONS of villagers tried piling through one door and it took FOREVER for them to finally stay inside. Still, villager antics can be HILARIOUS! :D
Reply
:iconvbcnxm:
vbcnxm Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2012
my only question, is is it possible to make a population of testificates, migrate by building small houses along a road, then leading them to a new village?
Reply
:icontompreston:
TomPreston Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
theoretically... yes... by removing the doors on the houses you don't want them in, and putting doors on a house you do want them in.
Reply
:iconvbcnxm:
vbcnxm Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2012
hmm, sounds like there needs to be a population limit per chunk, as in, if there's 4 houses within one chunk, that chunk will only have 4 testificates if they stay within a certain range, maybe like 100 blocks, then spawn more accordingly
Reply
:iconihavenoname323:
Ihavenoname323 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Same thing happened to me... I had to go on an enchanted killing spree.
Reply
:iconanarchistdragon:
anarchistdragon Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
o.o" War. War never changes XD
Reply
:iconoreochema:
Oreochema Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That has to be the most interesting Minecraft tale I've ever heard! :D
Reply
:iconmagmos:
Magmos Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
Oh my goodness that sounds hilarious...I wish I could have seen all those Ugly Squidward villager thingy's. XD
Reply
:icondigidolphin:
DigiDolphin Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:( How new is this update????
Reply
:iconlemonylime:
LemonyLime Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
Haha, reminds me of the catsplosion in dwarf fortress.
Reply
:iconmagicwazard:
MagicWazard Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
Nice story! I admit that I don't care about Minecraft, but I always enjoy a good story about learning how to "beat" an open-ended game system.
Reply
:iconbandihill3258:
BandiHill3258 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"virtual genocide"


Seems Legit.
Reply
:iconpedruben:
pedruben Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Comic this.
Reply
:iconjadekrystal:
JadeKrystal Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student General Artist
So trying this XD
Reply
:iconchefsbrian:
chefsbrian Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
XD It can get pretty bad. they do stop breeding once their is enough adult villagers for each house, but then each child still gets to grow up. Hence, population explosions get bad XD.
Reply
:iconfriend-of-clouds:
Friend-of-Clouds Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
They are quite strange. In my village, at night or when it rains, all my villagers try and fit inside the smallest house in the village. It's kind of funny to watch, they keep shoving each other out the door.
Reply
:icontheshadowstone:
TheShadowStone Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
.....damn it, and I just built a house in a Testificate Village to keep myself safe.
I don't want roommates!
Reply
:iconbludragon77:
bludragon77 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
ROFL! This made my day!
Reply
:iconruffpuff:
RuffPuff Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student Digital Artist
That sounds fun... is that wrong?
Reply
:iconorchestrafro:
OrchestraFro Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
hahahahahahahahahaha!
Reply
:iconsolarisknight:
solarisknight Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist
Currently expanding my village, waiting for this to happen. If this happens in the future, you can always make a house with a netherrack floor set on fire. Excess testificates will walk into them at night and be cremated. Theres also another trap that involves taking them to the top of large towers and making them fall to their death.

[link]
Reply
:icon50226:
50226 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
SHOW US!!!
Reply
:iconice--wolf:
Ice--Wolf Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student Writer
omfg thats awesome
Reply
:icon13th-madman:
13th-madman Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
It helps to grow a god complex then. Or just decide to be a demon...
Reply
:icondetail:
Detail Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
Because leaving them alone was not an option? ;p
Reply
:iconjuka204:
juka204 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm sorry for your loss; it must be hard on you.
Reply
:iconrandomness1207:
Randomness1207 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
I used to have a village but before the update I raided it for wood and now after the update nothing will spawn in it. I kinda wish I had the problem of having too many...
Reply
:iconsqueakytachibana:
SqueakyTachibana Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aw, wish you had taken screenshots to show us. XD
Reply
:iconblobyinc:
BlobyInc Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
What did I just read?
Reply
:iconbord2heck:
bord2heck Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
that'd be sick actually. make an assassins creed city filled with testificates or something. haha
Reply
:iconc-maxisgr:
C-MaxisGR Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I had the same problem with a town I made, it turns out they were repopulating cause there was a trap room lol
Reply
:iconroboguy9000:
RoboGuy9000 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student General Artist
Try to reach 7 billion.
Reply
:iconseraphim-art:
Seraphim-Art Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sounds like Jeb needs to adjust some codes to prevent over-population.
Reply
:iconxandoval:
Xandoval Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Professional General Artist
Maybe my giant metropolis in the super flat world was a bad idea...

Also, that title sort of sounds like some kind of digital, blocky, STD... :/
Reply
:iconartistofchaos:
ArtistofChaos Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for pointing that out. I'll have to blockade all of the testificates into their houses while I do things in a superflat world.
Reply
:iconlynchly:
Lynchly Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That was really smart! I don't really play Minecraft, but that's a very creative solution.
Reply
:iconhaggis53:
Haggis53 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student Artist
I feel evil, but now I want to try this.... :D
Reply
:iconmasquenomercy:
MasqueNoMercy Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
pictures? if you have one please post it into your scraps and link us! i want to see how many testificates you had lol
Reply
:iconskylerfarrier:
SkylerFarrier Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
For some reason, I found this journal report utterly HILARIOUS.
Reply
:iconbotasu-orichumo:
BOTASU-Orichumo Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student General Artist
dude what a creppy story
Reply
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